Random Notes on Modern Usage

1. If you drink too many vodka martinis, you will surely get sick.

The puristic objection is that get has only one meaning—namely, obtain. However, as any modern dictionary will attest, get has scores of different meanings, one of the most respectable of which is become. You can get tired, get dizzy, get drunk, or get sick—and your choice of words will offend no one but a pedant.

2. Have you got a dollar?

If purists get a little pale at the sound of "get sick," they turn chalk white when they hear have got as a substitute for have. But the fact is that have got is an established American form of expression. Jacques Barzun, noted author and literary critic, says: "Have you got is good idiomatic English—I use it in speech without thinking about it and would write it if colloquialism seemed appropriate to the passage."

3. No one loves you except I.

In educated speech, me follows the preposition except. This problem is troublesome because, to the unsophisticated, the sentence sounds as if it can be completed to "No one loves you, except I do," but current educated usage adheres to the technical rule that a preposition requires an objective pronoun (me).

4. Please lay down.

Liberal as grammar has become, there is still no sanction for using lay with the meaning of recline. Lay means to place, as in "Lay your hand on mine." Lie is the correct choice.

5. Who do you love?

"The English language shows some disposition to get rid of whom altogether, and unquestionably it would be a better language with whom gone." So wrote Janet Rankin Aiken, of Columbia University, way back in 1936. Today, many decades later, the "disposition" has become a full-fledged force. The rules for who and whom are complicated, and few educated speakers have the time, patience, or expertise to bother with them. Use the democratic who in your everyday speech whenever it sounds right.

6. Neither of these cars are worth the money.

The temptation to use are in this sentence is, I admit, practically irresistible. However, "neither of" means "neither one of" and is, therefore, is the preferable verb.

7. The judge sentenced the murderer to be hung.

A distinction is made, in educated speech, between hung and hanged. A picture is hung, but a person is hanged—that is, if such action is intended to bring about an untimely demise.

8. Mother, can I go out to play?

If you insist that your child say may, and nothing but may, when asking for permission, you may be considered puristic. Can is not discourteous, incorrect, or vulgar—and the newest editions of the authoritative dictionaries fully sanction the use of can in requesting rights, privileges, or permission.

9. Take two spoonsful of this medicine every three hours.

There is a strange affection, on the part of some people, for spoonsful and cupsful, even though spoonsful and cupsful do not exist as acceptable words. The plurals are spoonfuls and cupfuls. I am taking for granted, of course, that you are using one spoon and filling it twice. If, for secret reasons of your own, you prefer to take your medicine in two separate spoons, you may then properly speak of "two spoons full (not spoonsful) of medicine."

10. Your words seem to infer that Jack is a liar.

Infer does not mean hint or suggest. Imply is the proper word; to infer is to draw a conclusion from another's words.

11. I will be happy to go to the concert with you.

In informal speech, you need no longer worry about the technical and unrealistic distinctions between shall and will. The theory of modern grammarians is that shall-will differences were simply invented out of whole cloth by the textbook writers of the 1800s. As the editor of the scholarly Modern Language Forum at the University of California has stated, "The artificial distinction between shall and will to designate futurity is a superstition that has neither a basis in historical grammar nor the sound sanction of universal usage."

12. It is me.

This "violation" of grammatical "law" has been completely sanctioned by current usage. When the late Winston Churchill made a nationwide radio address from New Haven, Connecticut, many, many years ago, his opening sentence was: "This is me, Winston Churchill." I imagine that the purists who were listening fell into a deep state of shock at these words, but of course Churchill was simply using the kind of down-to-earth English that had long since become standard in informal educated speech.

13. Go slow.

"Go slow" is not, and never has been, incorrect English—every authority concedes that slow is an adverb as well as an adjective. Rex Stout, well-known writer of mystery novels and creator of Detective Nero Wolfe, remarked: "Not only do I use and approve of the idiom Go slow, but if I find myself with people who do not, I leave quick."

14. Peggy and Karen are alumni of the same high school.

As Peggy and Karen are obviously women, we call them alumnae (Ə-LUM'-nee); only male graduates are alumni (Ə-LUM'-nĪ).

15. I would like to ask you a question.

In current American usage, would may be used with I, though old-fashioned rules demand I should. Indeed, in modern speech, should is almost entirely restricted to expressing probability, duty, or responsibility. As in the case of the charitable-looking dowager who was approached by a seedy character seeking a handout. "Madam," he whined, "I haven't eaten in five days." "My good man," the matron answered with great concern, "you should force yourself!"